Letting Go to Grow Minute Read Emotional
Letting go is am important decision to take action that will result in a significant change in your life or in the lives of others. It involves taking a risk to change the status quo, in the process, releasing yourself or others from a real or perceived guilt inducing commitment. It is freeing your self and/or another to make their own path without fear of rejection, disapproval or guilt. It acknowledges that letting go is an essential principle of self reliance and personal growth.
Letting go manifests in a variety of forms. Sometimes it comes in the form of over-dependency, an excessive dependency on the support of another, an unwillingness to accept personal responsibility for one’s own life. The reverse form of this is over responsibility for a problem, a person or an assignment.
At times it means letting go of anger, pent up feelings, hostile thoughts. This form of letting go comes as one realizes the real victim of the anger is one’s self.
Denial is another. Facing life’s realities is essential to break free of the inertia generated by denial. Personal progress is stymied when one minimizes, rationalizes, blames or denies a real problem.
Just as there are different types of letting go there are also irrational beliefs keeping a person stuck mentally and emotionally. “I will fall apart.” “Others will fall apart.” “Life will be awful without them.” “I will never be happy again.” Fear of rejection or loss of approval of others, fear of the uncertainty which will follow, fear of conflict if assertive action is taken-- all inhibit letting go. Yet they are fabrications of a mind focused on “what if” scenarios with no basis in reality.
Insecurities and diminished self esteem act as burdensome weights inhibiting upward movement, initiative and determination and is the arch enemy of confidence.
The steps to change require a clear sense of what type of letting go is involved. Spell it out, Write it down. Is it:
o Guilt
o Fear (name the fear)
o Grief
o Anger
o Dependency
o Denial
o Over responsibility
o Resistance to change
Step 2 Decide what obstacles are in the way to letting go. Again spell it out. Is it:
o Irrational beliefs (see the three column approach)
o Fear of the unknown or the uncertainty (see Worry Use it Wisely)
o Fear of conflict
o Fear of being disloyal or unfaithful
o Over responsibility (study human needs)
o Over dependence (Do a cost/benefit analysis)
o Self esteem (Read Self Esteem, do a temperament inventory)
Each of these constitute a distortion in thinking. They are erroneous beliefs. It is of little benefit in trying to delve into where they came from or why they are there. The fact is they are there and will require a concerted effort to eradicate them from your thought patterns. They are like weeds in your mental garden and may require thoughtful introspection to recognize and extricate.
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