SELF-HELP STRATEGIES FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY
Step 1: Learning about social anxiety
Begin by acquiring some background information about social anxiety in particular. Understanding the relationship between what you are feeling and what is going on inside your head will help you quell the troublesome feelings more effectively. Everyone has to tame the lion from time to time.
FACT 1: Anxiety is normal and adaptive function of the fight or flight response. Stress hormones are released to prepare for a perceived threat. Familiarity with uncertain situations increases as we recognize what constitutes a real threat from what is generated by an over active imagination. Remember the Boogie Man in the closet? Experience becomes a strong ally, whereas avoidance and escape behaviours allow no resolution for the unconscious thoughts and attending fears.
FACT 2: As a corollary to fact 1 anxiety can become a problem when our body tells us that there is danger where in reality there is no danger.
FACT 3: Characteristics of social anxiety
People with social anxiety tend to fear and avoid social situations. They are very concerned that they will do something embarrassing, or that others will judge them. It is normal to feel anxious in social situations from time to time. For example, most people feel anxious when they have to speak in front of a large group. Social anxiety is a common phenomenon but only becomes a problem when the level of distress and starts to get in the way of your ability to function and enjoy life. However, it is important to note that you are not alone. Social anxiety is one of the most common anxiety disorders but also very receptive to systematically applied counter measures.T
Strategic counter measures
If you have social anxiety disorder, there are a number of strategies that you can use to learn to overcome your fear of social situations.
Counter Measure #1: Mindful self awareness
Strong feelings have a way of capturing our attention. It is one thing however, to recognize a feeling as being present and quite another to allow the same feeling to take full control of our thoughts and actions. It is never advisable to ignore or even pretend they do not exist. To do so only invites the unconscious mind to up the anti or find other ways to get you to pay attention. Rather a more prudent approach is to first acknowledge their presence and then to verbally allow them to be there. In so doing you are giving permission, but also countering by giving a chance for reason's voice to prevail.
Counter Measure #2: Relax
By learning to relax, you can “turn down the volume” on the physical symptoms of anxiety, which can make it a little easier to face social situations. Two strategies that can be particularly helpful are:
1. Calm Breathing: This is a strategy that you can use to calm down quickly. We tend to breathe faster when we are anxious. This can make us feel dizzy and lightheaded, which can make us even more anxious. Calm breathing involves taking slow, regular breaths through your nose. However, it is important to realize that the goal of calm breathing is not to eliminate anxiety completely (because anxiety is not dangerous and it’s normal to feel anxious at times), but to make it a little easier to “ride out” the feelings in social situations.
For more information see How to do Calm Breathing.
2. Muscle Relaxation: Another helpful strategy involves learning to relax your body. This involves tensing various muscles and then relaxing them. This strategy can help lower overall tension and stress levels, which can contribute to anxiety problems.
For more information, see How To Do Progressive Muscle Relaxation.
Counter Measure #3: Realistic thinking
At the core of social anxiety disorder are distortions or misconceptions about self and others. Recognizing the form these thoughts are taking is the key to breaking past this form of thinking.
Common examples include:
o “No one will like me!”
o “I’m“Others will think I’m boring.
o “I’ll do something foolish and other people will laugh!”
o “I won’t know what to say.”
o “I’m not as smart/attractive as other people.”
o “No one will talk to me.”
o “I’ll get anxious and others will notice.”
o ”I'm going to say something stupid
o “I’ll make a mistake and others will think I’m stupid.”
If you have already looked at the 3 Column Approach you know how to correct these forms of thinking. There are other techniques as well. The important point to remember is that we all subject to particular patterns of thinking and striving for more productive and accurate forms of thinking is something we all have need to strive for. Therefore, developing more realistic ways of thinking is an important step in managing your anxiety.
Counter measure # 4 Identify your Fears and typical Avoidance
An important step in managing your social anxiety is to identify the situations that you have been avoiding because of social fears. Repeatedly facing those situations reduces distress in the long-term and helps build confidence.
First, make a list of the social situations that you fear. Common types of feared social situations include public speaking, informal socializing, being assertive, dealing with conflict, being the center of attention, eating and drinking in front of others, speaking to authority figures, and interacting with unfamiliar people. Once you have a list, try and arrange them from the least scary to the scariest. Starting with the least scary situation, repeat that activity or enter that social situation (for example, saying “hi” to a neighbour when you see them) until you start to feel less anxious doing it. Once you can enter that situation without experiencing much anxiety (on numerous occasions), move on to the next situation on the list.
Rather than completely avoiding social situations, some people resort to discrete avoidance strategies so as not to appear anxious or nervous. We are often unaware of the things we do in social situations to maintain a safety net. Pay attention to the things you do to protect yourself in social situations. These strategies prevent you from realizing your full potential Thus, part of exposure involves reducing some of these subtle avoidance strategies or safety behaviours. Try to identify the things you do in social situations to feel safer by making a list . Then try to reduce engaging in these behaviours when facing feared situations.
Counter measure #5 Develop the Attribute of Courage
Learning to manage anxiety takes courage. Recognize that courage is developed from within by engaging in activities that stretch your comfort levels. Repetition and encouraging self talk can go a long way to diminish the normally apprehensive feelings that attend social situations. Be sure to acknowledge signs of progress by celebrating even small steps forward. Follow the suggestions listed in Character Building Attributes
Don't be discouraged by setbacks. Patience, persistence and perseverance are the keys. Stress tends to cause one to revert to old behavioural patterns. Remember you are a work in progress and forward movement is what you are aiming for!
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