Childhood is described as the most beautiful of all life’s seasons: a spirit free from the burdens of adult responsibility, an imagination untethered by life’s harsh realities, an innocence not smirched by greed or corruption, with only the occasional knock encountered in the exuberance of play. Such is what is hoped for in childhood and even expected. There are sporadic down days, disappointments and yes frustration and discouragement, but usually they quickly pass and the cheery childlike demeanour returns to brighten their countenance.
When despondency lingers and down days start stacking up and the normal cheery disposition is less evident, parents need take the time to seek what is amiss. Despondency in and of itself is rarely a cause for concern as there is typically an explanation. However, when despondency leads to isolation, withdrawal from activities that normally engage them, there is alwaysy something generating the malaise. Irritability in adolescents is more frequent as hormones may be a contributing factor, yet in preadolescents this is not the norm and is another sign to attend to.
Notable changes in behaviour is a hallmark sign. Self harming behaviours and suicidal ideations likely represent more overt pleas for help and should never be ignored. There absence however is not to suggest a child is not in distress. Matters seemingly of little consequence to an adult can play on a child’s more sensitive disposition and undermine the yet fragile pillars of self esteem and well-being.
Chronic bullying, no friends or the loss of a good friend, problems at home, a learning disability, a traumatic event can all generate a notable emotional slide with enduring consequences. It is not the particular situation of event that causes depression but rather the limiting capacity of a child to interpret such experiences that can send them into a downward spiral. Hence, active listening and candid communication is the key to not only deciphering the problematic thinking, but also the means of countering the negative influence and suggest alternative perspectives. Children are excellent observers, but poor interpreters and can benefit much from the experience garnered by much wiser parents.
David Elkind wrote a book 40 years ago entitled The Hurried Child- “Growing up too Fast too Soon” In it he postulated that children were increasingly “over programmed” and the natural adjustment and development characteristic of the previous generations was being abrogated with too much structure and regimentation. There is no question the landscape of child development is very different today than what is was decades ago. There is statistical evidence that depression and anxiety are occurring at younger ages and a number of factors are playing a role. The important point is to be sensitive to the presenting characteristics of the children in our care to ensure they are able to navigate the challenging times we are in. Unstructured play with opportunities to let imagination soar is a means of processing life’s experiences and an effective way to moderate the stressors which inevitably are strewn along their path.
Finding balance involves a sensitivity to the evolving needs of the child. Learning to find expression to their new found feelings and sensations permits them to give voice and process the varied experiences they are having. Asking children about their day often falls short of an important element in communication, unless a parent shares their own daily challenges thus modeling appropriate communication while acknowledging the attending feelings experienced. This form of modelling than can become a shared experience as the child develops the acquired vocabulary to express both thoughts and feelings.
Play provides an additional means to process and practise life skills. Too much media provides models of communication, but it lacks the spontaneity and reciprocal benefit of the interactive nature of play. The same is true of structured activities. Though they have notable benefits for knowledge and skill development the interactive possibilities are compromised. Good communicators do better when it comes to managing stress as the necessary tools to both voice concerns and the receptiveness to hear and explore alternative ways of approaching life’s circumstances.
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